I was stuck in Chicago at O’Hare Airport one holiday season, along with thousands of other travelers. We’d been delayed several hours by a fierce snowstorm blowing in from the plains, and then got word that several flights were cancelled. People were up in arms. The airline agents were stressed, passengers were starting to shout, and the whole mood of the place was turning black. It was the closest I’d seen to mob mentality in years, and I was getting scared. In the midst of the shouting and fist shaking, a young gate agent walked from behind the counter, climbed onto a seat, and raised her arms in an outstretched Y. She didn’t say a word. She simply stood, motionless, with a relaxed look on her face. It took two minutes, but the shouting began to subside. One by one, people turned their attention to her. When she could be heard without yelling, she began to speak. Slowly and deliberately. She acknowledged people’s anger, and outlined the situation. She emphasized calmly yet firmly that the decisions to cancel flights were based on the desire to get everyone home to their loved ones safely, and that flying in this kind of weather was a sure formula for disaster.
Within minutes, people were returning to their seats, phoning their loved ones, and making alternative plans. I can still picture her, a tiny thing scarcely out of adolescence who took command of hundreds.
What led her to avert disaster that night? A level of emotional intelligence far beyond her years. Here’s how I think she accomplished it. First, she had biology working for her – literally. She got the crowd’s attention by staying still in a storm that was rapidly gaining strength.
We know from brain imaging studies that highly resilient, adaptable people have brains that start calming them almost immediately after they’ve been exposed to a stressor. Less resilient people don’t have that kind of control. They continue to get stressed, sometimes even after the stressor is gone. We can practice and train our selves to stay cool in hot times. We can learn to self manage.
This young woman also had emotion working for her. She used her own emotional barometer to sense the intensity of the crowd’s anger and the need for swift and careful action. She then used her own composure to manage and diffuse their anger.
She created what psychologists call emotional contagion: we “catch” the powerful emotion of those around us. Had she shouted or shown signs of frustration and anger, she wouldn’t have been nearly as effective. Most people don’t like losing control. When she created an island of composure in the midst of the storm, she became a beacon. It worked. People were pulled to her.
Finally, she knew that trying to reason with an angry crowd is akin to dousing a bonfire with teacups. It’s futile. So she mediated their anger by tapping into a more powerful emotional base: their desire to live, to survive, to be with their loved ones. And, again, it worked.
This type of behavior can’t be taught. Sure, you can learn formulas for what to say or do in tough situations. But the wisdom of her behavior didn’t come from a book or a course. It came from deep within her, an intuitive knowing. And it illustrates beautifully how one person high on emotional intelligence can influence an entire crowd. How can you cultivate this kind of wisdom and influence?
- Begin by increasing awareness of your own emotional state, especially your stress level. The first signs of emotional response are physical signs, like tightness in your chest or shoulders, queasiness in your gut, or feeling warm. The sooner you’re aware that you’re getting upset, the easier the emotion is to manage.
- Second, recognize when you’re getting pulled into other people’s emotions and practice ways to calm and sooth yourself. Find a way to anchor yourself internally so that you don’t get sucked into someone else’s emotional whirlpool.
- Third, learn to recognize and trust your own inner voice, the one that seems to just know the path to take.
At O’Hare that day, the crowd’s anger was obvious to everyone. But the agent picked up on something else—an intuitive sense that the most powerful and effective way to lead this unruly crowd back from the abyss was through composure and compassion. She was a model of self awareness, self control, and sensitivity to others. The result was social influence–a form of emotional intelligence–at its best.