Gretchen hooked me with her opening line: “I’d always vaguely expected to outgrow my limitations. One day I’d stop twisting my hair,” she said, “and wearing running shoes all the time, and eating exactly the same food every day.” Her list, like mine, was long and distinguished.
Then, one April day she realized “I was in danger of wasting my life.” Thus began her quest to discover what made her happy and to pass on to us the small but significant changes she made in her life.
I rarely succumb to self-help advice. But Gretchen’s stories grabbed me. I cleaned out my own closets and felt happier afterward. Lighter and less encumbered. I actually began wearing things that I’d not had on my back in ages. I took to heart some of her “Secrets of Adulthood,” like “People don’t notice your mistakes as much as you think” and “Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.” Her third of four “splendid truths” —that “The days are long, but the years are short” —has helped me stay more mindful and aware of how I’m spending my everyday moments.
If you read the Amazon reviews, you’ll find the full range of critiques, from those who loved the book to those who criticized her for offering “nothing new” or being too self-centered and narcissistic. While she may not offer any earth-shaking paths to happiness, her quest reinforced for me a dynamic I see alive and well in most people: we know far more than we are able to do. For instance, how many of us know that eating a diet low in fats and high in fresh fruits and vegetables, getting 8 hours of sleep, and exercising regularly is good for our health? Few have missed the memo. How many of us live that way every day?
Gretchen had the courage to hold her own feet to the fire, to see herself as others experience her, and to learn and grow in the process. Yes, the wisdom in these pages is simple. That’s what makes it profound. Unless we become increasingly mindful of what is important to us, how we show up on a daily basis, and where we choose to invest our energy, we are all at risk for wasting our lives.
As for those who found her self-centered and narcissistic, I found her personal disclosures refreshing. Not many of us acknowledge our own warts, much less risk airing them in a book. When she talks about nagging her husband or wanting recognition for what she has done, I think she speaks to a voice in all of us, a voice that is small and self-conscious and usually too embarrassed by its own self-importance to speak publicly. She had the courage.
Via her website, she has transformed the book into a cottage industry, and several of my friends and clients have started their own happiness projects. They’re paying more attention to balancing their work and family lives, enjoying the moment, asking themselves what really matters in the big scheme of things, and giving it their full attention. If any of those are questions that you have wrestled with, then give The Happiness Project a try.