My mother died in December. She was 94. Last Saturday, a week ago today, was her 95th birthday. She was ready to go. I miss her.<\/p>\n
My brother died in 2009. He was 60. He was not ready to go. While we didn’t see each other often, I miss him too.<\/p>\n
My dad died in 1997. We were the apple of each other’s eye. I still miss him.<\/p>\n
There were four of us when I was growing up. Now it’s just me. I’m getting used to it. There’s no more buffer. Ready or not, batter up.<\/p>\n
The first two months after mom’s death were a blur. Sort through her things. Empty the house. Stop the accounts. Find an estate lawyer. Cry. Send letters. Read cards. Transfer the mail. Lie on the couch. Cry.<\/p>\n
The tsunami came ashore sometime in March. Remember to take the cell phone in case she calls. Remember she won’t call. Weep. Find a home for the cat. Find a different estate lawyer. Weep. Email the realtor. Weep. Replay the last days of her life. Weep. Sort through the family photos. Weep. Especially at the sight of my brother, a gentle and quiet kid always in my shadow.<\/p>\n
It’s strange, this process of grieving and letting go and closing out a life. I notice few thoughts in my head. I cook and eat, sort through mail and respond to the world. I don’t initiate much. From December to April, the only thing I crave is time with my son and his friends. It reconnects me with the vibrancy of life.<\/p>\n
Business always goes down in December and springs back in January. This year it didn’t spring back. I sense that it’s the universe making room for this process. Every once in a while I scare myself by thinking the economy has caught up with me and my business is going down the tube. Then I see what I’m doing and smile.<\/p>\n
Little things take on significance. In January, a feral cat appeared at the back door. Ugliest cat I’ve ever seen. He had ice caked in his paws, a dull tortoise coat, skittish demeanor. I gave him a bowl of food. He became a regular. I added eggs and cottage cheese. It worked. He’s still ugly, but his coat looks good.<\/p>\n
We now look for each other. I named him Maury. Some days he comes right up to the door, gazing into the kitchen with his “I’m hungry” look. Some days I have to call. He won’t let me close. That’s okay. I put the food outside, lie on the floor on my side of the glass door, and watch.<\/p>\n
I’m coming back. Every day I find something else to be awed by: the smell of the earth after a hard rain … three new blossoms on a plant I rescued from death’s doorstep at the local grocery … new business … two days at Notre Dame sharing laughs and stories with colleagues. And every day I find something of my mom or my brother or my dad in my life.<\/p>\n
All is as it should be. I’m just part of the fabric. So are they … along with all who went before … and all who follow. We’re in this together, for the instant and for the eternity it rides upon.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My mother died in December. She was 94. Last Saturday, a week ago today, was her 95th birthday. She was ready to go. I miss her. My brother died in 2009. He was 60. He was not ready to go. While we didn’t see each other often, I miss him too. My dad died in…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-239","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-emotion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/inourrightmind.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/inourrightmind.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/inourrightmind.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inourrightmind.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inourrightmind.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=239"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/inourrightmind.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":252,"href":"https:\/\/inourrightmind.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239\/revisions\/252"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/inourrightmind.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=239"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inourrightmind.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=239"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inourrightmind.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=239"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}