“It is the stepping into the unknown, again and again, with our heart facing the direction that we value, that matters.” Jack Kornfield, writer, psychologist, Buddhist monk.
Sounds simple. Straightforward. Oh, that it were.
What direction is your heart facing right now?
Six months ago, I signed on for a new group coaching project. Since then, I’ve been waiting for the organizers to launch it. In early May, we had a flurry of email exchanges, followed by some phone calls. In late May, I had a strong sense of wanting to withdraw. The project still hadn’t launched, but I knew I couldn’t just walk away and leave them in the lurch.
The next day, I got an email from the man who recommended me for the project. He wanted to introduce me, electronically, to a colleague. “I was thinking that if you need a hand with the project or just want some relief, she’d be a great partner.” Wow, I thought. The universe was
In The Gifts of Imperfection, shame researcher Dr. Brene Brown says there are 3 things we need to know about shame. Everybody has it [except those with no capacity for empathy or connection]. We’re all afraid to talk about it. And the less we talk about it, the more control we give it in our lives. She’s right, of course, and fortunately, she’s talking about it in ways that give the rest of us permission to do the same.
So if you want to trade your own struggles with shame for what Brene calls “a wholehearted life,” then buy or borrow this book. It’s anchored in cultivating courage, compassion, and connection, not as lofty ideals but as
My son Michael called this morning on his way to work. “Something just happened that I thought you’d enjoy,” he said. “I stopped at Starbucks on my way to work, and when I got to the drive-thru window, the cashier told me the guy ahead of me already paid for my coffee!”
“Wow!” I said. “You’re right. I love it!”
“So I paid for the guy behind ME.” That’s when the cashier told him that he was
This morning, my partner and I went out for breakfast. At the next table was a man in business attire having coffee with a woman. I was trying to read, but the man’s voice was so loud that I kept getting pulled into his monologue. He was talking about his daughter, a graphic designer living in a small loft in New York City, sleeping on an air mattress, just starting her career, and so on. After 7 or 8 minutes of uninterrupted airtime, he asked the woman if she has any kids.
I couldn’t hear her response. I just knew it was short, for he was soon talking
I recently got an email asking for an update on a coaching client, a woman I’ve worked with for about 3 months. Typically, I submit a list of coaching goals early in an engagement. But just a few days before this request arrived, I realized that the client and I hadn’t finalized any goals. So when the request came, I felt badly for letting this slip through the cracks. I began drafting a response. I tried to explain why the goals weren’t done. It was tough because I couldn’t violate the client’s confidential privilege, and I couldn’t adequately explain without providing details. I’d write and delete, write and delete. Then it hit me: the struggle wasn’t my desire to protect the client; it was my desire to protect me!
I had to laugh at myself. All the time I spent trying to craft a response boiled down to a simple truth:
When Bob took over as head of a large business unit in his organization, he inherited a chief operations officer, Mary Jo. Initially, he was reluctant to keep her. The unit had financial problems, poor morale, a toxic culture, and a lot of people blaming Mary Jo for the problems, so he was watchful. But he realized quickly that she was very good at her job, and decided to hold off taking any action.
Fast forward a couple of years. Bob is moving his unit forward. He’s a systems
In order for people to grow, adapt, and perform at their best, they need information about their own performance. One source of information—feedback—has earned a bad reputation. The word first came into the language to describe the self-correcting information built into mechanical systems and electronic circuits. Information was fed back into a system as a means of regulating system performance.
Thermostats, for instance, feed back information in order to maintain a set
That’s the title of a great new book by Susan Cain. It’s subtitled “The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking” and it profiles the many ways in which we undervalue introversion. It also points up what we lose in the process.
She talks about introversion in both personal and professional domains. I was especially drawn to her debunking of some of our most sacred leadership cows, like the myth of charismatic leadership. Introverts
I was coaching a senior executive who was second-in-command in a large organization but acted like low person on the totem. It was costing her greatly in terms of credibility, effectiveness, and self esteem.
One day when she was struggling particularly hard, I told her this story. A few days earlier, my son Michael and I were weeding my mother’s garden. Michael was working under some shrubs when he grabbed my arm and said, “Hey, Mom, look!”
All I saw was dirt and dead leaves.